My Blog

If You Met You Would You Like You? My Thoughts on Self-Worth

2023-04-19 13:09
Well, it happened! The moment I feared, the moment I hoped would not happen. As I shared with someone my therapeutic style and approach of working with people…challenging negative self talk, building self worth, using mind body practices to calm the nervous system. My prospective client saw my profile picture online and said “I was really looking for someone younger.” Please let me be clear, she was lovely and gracious and, I think, a little embarrassed by her own response. I know she did not want me to feel bad, but she hit the nail on exactly the thing I was most afraid of when I made the decision to stop dying my hair.
I have always connected with teens and young adults. I have a passion for helping them find their way through a time of so many questions and insecurities. When I was deciding to grow my hair out I truly considered if my teen clients would be put off by this. And actually, not one of them has cared at all. When they first saw me as I stopped covering up my silver strands, they acted in surprise. We would acknowledge that I looked different and move on without missing a beat.

We all have insecurities. We all wonder at times what others will think of us and if we will be accepted. Throughout our lives we will encounter situations that stir self doubt in us.

I see self worth in two stages. The first stage is “I actually really like me” and the second stage is “Yes, but will anyone else like me?”

It is often this second stage that we will revisit throughout our lives. Enter self-doubt!

A question was recently posed related to this first stage of building self worth. The question was, “If you met you would you like you?” The answer is complex. If I met my welcoming, outgoing, funny self that tells fun stories at a party....yes. If I met my reflective serious self that loves nature and loves a deep spiritual conversation.... yes. If I met the encouraging me who tries to build the worth in others and spreads love.... yes. If I met the person who is irritable, rigid and quick tempered..... no. If I met the person who always had something to say and too often turns the conversation back to herself ... no. If I met my insecure self who sometimes seeks approval and reassurance rather than just giving love to others or communicating confidence... I’m not sure. The process of building self worth starts with accepting ALL sides of yourself as the full package. It is knowing that you are simultaneously a wondrous being with many talents and a human with many flaws.

The second stage is more complicated. At first, it seems that it is dependent on others seeing your value and loving you. To be sure, this is helpful! But humans can’t be perfect in their love for each other. Relationships are messy. There will be someone at some time that does not like you, someone that no longer chooses you. It will happen. It happens to all of us throughout our lives. The trick to accomplishing this second stage of building self worth is to realize that you are still lovable and amazing even when someone else rejects you! It is realizing that you will be okay even if everything falls apart. It is knowing that you have got you!

You are already enough!! Just the way you are… No change needed!

So today when the feared thing was said, I had a moment of self doubt. I immediately looked up the picture and considered changing it back to a younger version of myself. But a wiser, calmer voice inside my head said exactly what I would tell anyone else…
All you have to do is be you. Just be yourself and it will all be okay.

And now as I type this blog, I am grateful. Grateful for this sweet lady who truly did not want to be hurtful and was only trying to set her daughter up for a successful therapeutic relationship, because she gave me an opportunity to reaffirm my worth today. I hope this inspires yours too.